Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
