it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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