I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
