She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
