He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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