Sry I called you an 8
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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