He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
