Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize