She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
