she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
