Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
