Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
