Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
