I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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