My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He shit in the fireplace
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
