Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
