I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
