what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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