How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
