Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
