Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
third nipple confirmed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
