i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
