and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
