So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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