dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
