Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
