Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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