the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
two words: eviction party
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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