I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
