And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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