and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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