He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
