I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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