I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
