I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
