U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
