I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
