Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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