Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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