I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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