My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
