capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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