Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
