I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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