I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
