I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
