it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
