Im at strip club and am horny
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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