guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
