return my video game
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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