Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
