My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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