Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
