i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
