i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
