Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
