um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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