There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
