p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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