wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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