I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
