yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
