It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
