We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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