Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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