So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
