why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
