Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
