I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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