So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
